How to explain autism to your family and friends

For many people, receiving an autism diagnosis helps explain lifelong experiences and patterns they've noticed in themselves. It can help them understand how they perceive and interact with the world.

When you decide to tell family and friends about your diagnosis, they might have questions. Some may have outdated ideas about what autism is. This is normal, but you can help them learn by talking about what autism means for you and how it's different for each person.

When should you share that you are autistic?

Remember, there's no pressure to explain any behaviours or feelings. Deciding when to share your autism diagnosis is a personal choice, and it’s natural to feel anxiety about this decision. Many people who have been diagnosed find that talking and sharing can help understanding and strengthen relationships.

Depending on your circumstances, you may benefit from specific support at school, work, or in social settings. Sharing your diagnosis can help others understand your needs, make reasonable adjustments, and provide appropriate support.

The choice of when to share your autism diagnosis is always yours. Try to approach any conversation in the way you feel most comfortable. You may be more confident taking the time to understand your feelings and experiences before discussing them with others.

Understanding yourself

An important place to start is understanding your autism. Take time to learn about the unique ways autism can affect you. Recognise strengths, challenges, and preferences. Understanding how the condition affects you helps you to better explain it to others. This clarity can lead to better support from those around you.

Start with the basics

Many people have some knowledge of autism, but that may not always be the case. By explaining the basics of autism, you can help those with less knowledge of the condition start to understand how it may affect you.

Describe how autism affects the way you experience the world. Mention differences in social interactions, communication, and behaviour as you understand them to be true for your experience.

It may also be beneficial to recommend resources that people can use to learn more about autism in their spare time. It may help to share our full article on the symptoms of autism.

Common behaviours associated with autism are divided into two groups:

Difference in social communication

Autistic people may display differences in their communication style. For example, you may be less interested in small talk and prefer to speak about topics that you find highly interesting. You may have differences in your non-verbal communication, for example using less gestures or facial expressions. Friendships may also look different or seem difficult to maintain or manage. Some autistic individuals may put effort in masking, for example adjusting their natural behaviour to ‘fit in’ or learning skills in these areas. However, this can lead to exhaustion for the person and can be bad for their well-being.

Restricted or repetitive behaviours and interests

Many autistic people have a strong interest in unusual or niche topics or find themselves so fixated on an interest that they struggle to engage in other activities, even essential tasks such as drinking and eating.

Other autistic individuals may also find they get comfort or feel best when sticking to a fixed routine or ritual. They may also demonstrate restricted or repetitive behaviours that are soothing or satisfying to them.

In addition, many autistic people have sensory differences. They may under or overreact to certain stimuli, causing them discomfort or causing difficulties with self-regulation.

These are not behaviours that should be avoided or corrected. They are part of your autistic profile, and ways to help you regulate and feel more secure. Acceptance of these behaviours can go a long way to helping you.

Share your personal experience

By sharing your personal experience of autism, you can help people understand your needs. Start by describing how autism affects you in everyday life. Discuss specific challenges, such as:

• Difficulties with social interactions
• Sensory sensitivities
• A need for routine

Explain behaviours that others might notice and why these behaviours might happen. For instance, you might say, "I find it overwhelming to be in crowded places because of my heightened sensitivity to noise and light."

It's also helpful to talk about the strengths and positive aspects of being autistic. Many autistic people have strong attention to detail, a deep focus on their interests, and unique problem-solving skills.

Many people believe autism is a negative label that will harm a person’s life chances. However, understanding autism and not hiding it can help you understand who you are and enable you to focus on your strengths.

Looking for more information on an autism assessment?

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